doubledollar | IC INBOX

[He'll take that anger.

He took the anger of the Domans who watched Takame oen Tsurugi murder their families still spit on him long after its liberation. He took the Garlean's anger who saw him as a traitor to their cause while daring to act as a conditional savior. He took the Eorzean's anger. He took the Tribes' anger.

So to would he take Vash's anger towards him.

He'll take the burden of the blood on his hands. It weighed as it should.

It was what he deserved, no, his duty to bear that weight.]

Whenever you feel ready, my doors are open to you. Take care.

hey

just
keeping you updated
like i promised i would
so uhm
i found him. i found knives
rather
kni

...he's
small.
he's really small. like. ten year old small.
i dont really know how to handle this
properly...?

[ but at the very least
now, maybe
takame doesn't have to feel like he needs to stand in and do the terrible, but very right thing. ]

maybe things can be different

[It would be a lie to say Takame wasn't pacing by his phone waiting for Vash's update. When it did come, he checked his message frantically but then felt...

Conflicted. Relief and suspicion at the same time, but it wasn't like it was unheard of for someone known to be much older to suddenly appear years from the past. If it was possible in the future then of course the past was too.

He was still rather on edge about the whole situation. But what was clear whether he was grown or small was that Knives, or Kni, Takame supposed, was indeed not a threat.]

I see. Thank you for keeping me updated.

[There's a slight delay, as Takame was unsure what advice he could offer with his apprehension. It took some time, but he could only see one way to manage this.]

I think that you should do what you believe is right.

[ i think that you should do what you believe is right.

His beliefs have always been very strong; unshakeable, even:

protect those who cannot protect themselves
find a way for people and plants to co-exist
spread the ideas of love and peace
find a way to forgive himself for dooming the human race.

'meeting your older brother who caused a calamity with your help as a child and be met with the crisis of either damning him for a mistake made out of fear, or raising him to be a better person' never came into his thought space.

so... ]

but what if i don't know what's right

[Did any of them know what was right? What was right, Takame wondered. That changed so much throughout his life and the conclusion he came to in his current age was.

What Hina said was right was right.

Because she is kind, considerate, compassionate, charismatic... his sister was the epitome of what a person should be.

But he knew he was just following her ideals and not his own. He didn't know what was right either. He'd have followed Vash's example on what he thought was right.

He didn't know. So there was a long delay in response, sitting there staring at his words wondering what to say. He would always fall back on the words of others. It took a while before something his second sister figure told him after returning to Doma from Sharlayan. For as painfully shy as she was, she was more emotionally wise than he would ever be. It was with a mix of her words and his painful truth he responded.]

Perhaps nothing is right. Any action here could have damning consequences.

I was told once that sometimes all one can do is follow their heart. I don't know what that means myself, but it may mean something to you.

[ for someone like vash, who always led his life trying to be someone who had to choose what was right at all times--this sucks. This fucking sucks. He can't tell what the right choice is and it's burning him up inside knowing there are people who could suffer if he chooses wrong, and yet.

Here he is, walking home with his brother's hand in one hand, and his phone in the other, trying to decide which is the right choice.

He reads Takame's message carefully before answering again. Perhaps nothing is right. One's own opinions are what matters most. Following the heart...

Maybe there's something to that. ]

it means something to me.
no, your words are definitely... they're definitely right.

follow my heart, huh...

[ he glances down at Nai. The kid doesn't smile, but he can feel that intense stare always on him, waiting to follow his every move. ]

...I can't let him be alone.
Maybe this time
if I can teach him what's right and wrong
it'll be better this time

Someone from my home said those words. Though I'm unsure how to follow them, she would be glad someone got use from them.

If you wish to stay by his side, do so. That is what is right in your heart, is it not?

[He didn't know. He was talking out of his arse here, saying things he didn't know or mean or anything. He just wanted to help. He wanted to be there for his friend.

Vash deserved to have support. More than anyone. Even if the decision was... probably a bad one.

What Takame didn't voice was how willing he was to put a blade through Kni's neck should this take a turn for the worse.

But for now, he would wait. He would wait and see. Try to hope. Try.]

theyre good words
they definitely hold a certain amount of weight to them, and theyre circumstantial.
but i think theyre good ones. they could apply to you too in certain situations? its like

i guess

being unsure what to do, logically is what's happening
but
i know what my heart wants
and my heart so badly wants to have my brother back

[ that might not mean anything to takame, not right now, not until he's gotten a chance to sit down and actually speak with him about the things that happened on no man's land, because god forbid--he will not tell anyone about the great fall, but... ]

id like to have my brother back

This realm gives us opportunities we never would have in our homes. It isn't possible to know whether they will be for good or ill.

If you want him back, reach out to him. There is a chance to take.

[And Takame didn't want to share just how bad of an idea he thought this was.]

[ it's a bad idea. he partly knows it's a bad idea. there's that voice that's presently TELLING him it's a bad idea.

but every time he hears that musical little dusting hit the back of his head--the connection with another plant, the connection with his brother--he bites it back. ]

youre right
there isnt anyway to know if it'll be good or bad until i try
right
youre right

...thank you takame
and im sorry
he's a... troublesome kid, with some attitude problems
but
he hasn't turned into a monster yet
i dont think
so...

i have to try
maybe if he grows up with kind people around him
instead of alone

No one is born with the intent to do wrong.

[Not even him, though it took his mother telling him about his first four years to consider it.

Almost three decades of bloodshed and proven pessimism were just hard to shake.

The longer he considered hypotheticals of this conversation, the more uncomfortable he began to get. For once he was grateful for his relative monotone.]

You've no reason to apologize. I can only wish you luck.

thank you takame
i mean it
ill need some... time, to get settled with this, i think

id like to visit you again soon
we can have a good long talk then
and hopefully things might be a bit clearer
by then

...im sorry to burden you with this.
i know you said i didnt have to apologise
but i cant help it haha

Edited 2023-07-04 02:54 (UTC)

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